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2003-11-17 - 3:59 p.m.

shopping for my new home...mmm. but on a sunday. not mmm. and at ikea, no less. ikea??? but i had no interest in ikea. not even in america. so i bought cool things there like glass containers and metal coasters. it's like justifying buying a black tee shirt at the gap. and the rest is going to be MADE IN CHINA.

boy came over last night. he was a little drunk and fucking hilarious. still totally self-absorbed but now also solar-absorbed. we went to a dinner party at julie's, the place i had just stayed at. we laughed all fucking night. we ate pizza on a the balcony 23 floors up looking over the foundation of a building soon to be erected. it was like looking over ground zero. intense. and i love him. i can't help it. and because of how it's been, i don't care that we're not calling it a relationship. nor are we exclusive. nor do we have any public displays of physical affection. what i care about is that we are spending great time together. a lot. and we're invested in this friendship. and i call him on his shit. and we're going to be in commercials together. and he's sexy in bed. it must be chemicals. he drives me nuts. he's yet to spend slow time exploring the spaces of my body which i have placed in the category of totally self-absorbed. also in the "not ok" category. so we've...um...he's... got some growing to do. but we fit. perfectly. so this is a new way for me to learn about myself. i already know him.

< yeah >