it's a bit twisted but evolved into something warm. the temperature has dropped and acquiring heat is now a priority. body heat being choice numero uno. so the boy came back a second night. and in the morning, after he missed his train, he called to stay a third night. we had been innocent so far. i saw 'class' with jaqueline bisset when i was young. i said that i would be a 30 year old woman who would ravish a fresh and worshipping 18 year old. but i forgot i had said that until now. so strange. he and i lay in bed and talked about the differences. why someone older would be with someone younger. but i wasn't with him for his youth. i was with him before i knew his age. i was with him because i needed warmth. we talked about what's different sexually, specifically and why. beyond the obvious things experience brings. such a beautiful accent. such a clever charming thing. a classical pianist as well. i told him a difference for me between then and now was...then, head was for you. now, head is for me. we watched movies. he kissed me more than anyone has in a long time. so much kissing. like teenagers. i did not have sex with him until the third night. when he had matured. no i'm joking. when i knew it was ok for us. i feel strange thinking it's ok. thinking about how 4 years ago, what i was dealing with. and four years ago, he was dying his hair pink so his girlfriend would give him a blowjob.

i'm writing an article on jiu-jitsu for the magazine. it is very cool. brazilian jiu-jitsu taught by a chinese american. i'll tell you more about that later. for now, i'm just going to go to my room and think about what i've done.

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