|2002-11-05 - 1:05 p.m.
.i'm a reasonable man. get off my case.
whatever organ manufactures sad is about to rupture. i believe i have done everything in my power to raise a good human. if i say there must be forces working against me, i immediately understand that those forces must be myself. but still, i am a product of something that is not self-induced. how can i expect my comedic repetoire to expand when i am constantly on the verge of either revolution or suicide. yes, that is what creates the comic in the first place. it is a total waste of energy to "be suicidal". either do it or don't. i did buy a book, however, so if i did do it, it would be successful and with the least amount of pain and clean-up. it's morbid, i know, but i am both fearful and scientific. beyond that, people need to hit the lowest point before they can turn around. if you are anything like me, you can survive as a bottom-feeder forever, without ever going just low enough to wake up. so i visit sometimes. i even walk through my funeral [what a party]. but i am just visiting. like landing on monopoly's jail instead of being sent to it. and i've been here for so long, i have actually adapted. there are gills where my lungs used to be. sometimes, when i move, i can feel a dorsal fin. and i use sonar. it is the language of the evolved and the damned. guess which one i am.