last night, i had to go all the way to the northpole for salvation.

i wish someone was doing this with me. i wish there was one person that said, "your going to china? no fucking way. i am totally going with you. we are going to have the time of our fucking lives. let's do it." i know how strong i am. i'm so tired of being driven by something strong enough to take me away from the work i've done so far. from all the people i love so much. i'm tired. i don't need to be reminded of how amazing my job is. every second i remember.

today was a perfect day for war. the winter haze has been relentless. god has been placing a big white piece of paper over china and holding a lit cigarette behind it just close enough not to burn. and she calls it the sun. but today, no paper. today she let an ever so slightly blazing sphere warm the tip of my nose as i continued to defy. i will comb beijing from corner to corner. from chengfu lu to sanlitun. and if you know beijing, you are pickin up what i'm laying down. but i will do it alone. and i will notice everything. but i will respond alone. i will see flashing red lights coming toward me at night. and approaching, i will realize they are green motorcycles with sidecars and i will drool. and i will realize that riding in these get-ups are soldiers. and as they come even closer, i see their faces. i see their suits that are boxy and oversized. and i will laugh to myself remembering the last scene in BIG where tom hanks gets out of the car as big josh, walks down the street, and turns around as little josh waving in a floppy big josh suit. and i will think affectionately, china is not so tough. china is just a little socialist nation in a big socialist nation's suit.

but really. sidecars. how absolutely cool. i am so finding a boy with a sidecar.

anybody want to drink before the war?

< yeah >