human beings have an unbelievable ability to adapt. i no longer fear the prison toilets. i have become familiar with the smells. i know how to squat and balance without touching anything brown or red smeared on the walls inches away. i remember to tuck in the key hanging around my neck and roll up my cuffs, lest they make contact with anything beneath my feet. i know what handles i can or can not touch. my calves which once shook, now hold firm beneath me as i rotate my ankles to learn from their neighbors. i offer you all this for perspective. not to say that anyone's pain has a value that can be defined. trust me. i know this. but sometimes, when you yourself have suffered greatly, your own ability to cope with any level of hardship will amaze you. so i'm just offering this viacarious journey to let you beat the system. but solar! how can you compare a dirty toilet to the feeling of self-loathing, or heartbreak, or depression or unemployment, or lacking drive and purpose. you can't. but you can steal a minute. you can look up at the sun. you can take a deep breath. and you can keep on truckin'.

and then stuff gets funny. like waiters dresses up in akbar costumes. and how kenny g and celine dion are so popular here. wait. that's not funny at all. now i'm depressed. life sucks. you think war is bad? try hearing kenny g and celine dion all the time. sheesh, you people.

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