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2003-03-07 - 1:59 p.m.

when it comes to love, hello bi-polar solar! so i am with michael last night for dinner. and he is feeling blue because he hates his job and he can't have me. and now it's too easy. everything i say is perfect for him. you see right through me, blah, blah. and he takes me to get western medicine but instead i pull him into a tiny alley where i point out my symptoms to a man in front of many herb-covered shelves. and he makes us potions that taste like good mud. again, michael is impressed. he can't stomach the mud. and since we are basically at my house i tell him he is invited up as my friend. already, i am no longer excited about him but he is easy to be with and i could use a companion. then, as if he wasn't already swooning, i show him my photo album. this is me talking: oh yeah, those are my fucking stunning dirty little bitches during this bikeride called critical mass where we put blinking lights under our tutu's and took over the streets, and oh yeah, this is a bunch of my freaks and i'm on the top of a sand dune in death valley tripping and it's new year's eve day and she is playing a clarinet through a megaphone with guitar fx. and oh, yeah, this is me with silver dreadlocks on top of a milktruck at an event called burning man as we handed out ice pops and took whisky shots. and ooh yeah, this was at my wedding in amsterdam and we both had matching outfits and silver nails and drove to paris on a drug called 2CB while we'd only stop to play virtual cop 2. and oh yeah, this is my rockstar friends. no he wasn't my boyfriend, we just made-out sometimes. and ooh ooh ooh, that is at my amazingly amazing sister's wedding. she transcends wisdom. she IS beautiful. you think I'M funny...and no, i didn't realize my dress was totally see-thru until we watched the video, and that is her husband. you're right, he does have wise eyes. i think maybe he is the best person on the planet. and there is no word that passes through his lips that isn't coated with diamonds(what? you don't like double negatives? don't NOT fuck you!). and yeah, that is like ten years ago when i was a model in florence...

and then i realized later, after i was even all smitten with myself...maybe it wasn't the best way to push him away.

< yeah >