i hate killing mosquitos. but only second to battling the night under covers, hearing the bzz bzzah bzz bzzzah as it scans the surface of my skin like a heli-port, looking for the sweet red promise of veins. this is a humid summer's war. one i have lost many times.

i need reality check-points along this road. i've been driving for months, years maybe, without any. working and loving at random intervals. moving through scenes moving through me. the pace alone is enough to make me feel like a dali pony. now add a father awaiting biopsy results. and LAST NIGHT, in israel, the shanghai israeli went to the bar owned by my pilot lover of 8 years ago...and the pilot's jaw dropped as he most detailed and definitely remembered me. so i sent him an email today. way to manifest, solar. ok, reality check? still waiting. my father will have an MRI and catscan on wednesday. results thursday. then i will fly back to NY. even if it is benign. but we'll see what happens. certainly another what will happen. giddy up dali pony, giddy up.

< yeah >