mary. spent most of her life wondering what they will think. about her status. her hair. her clothes. her family. spent the later, widowed part of her life sleeping with talk radio under her pillow in order to not feel alone. spent the last seven years of her life, speechless and semi-paralysed in a nursing home in my courageous mother's care. she was courageous too. and by then, she was not as concerned with what they were thinking. what goddamn lessons did my ancestors bring into ellis island? an unnecessary history of fear was handed down this matriarchal line. may it never be passed on again. may 4th would have been her birthday. i am lighting a virtual candle for my sweet, brave and beautiful nanny. i hope there was happiness in between. i love you.

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