stardate 1.23.4

soon. soon, nerves will be wires with off-switch. soon heart will be replaced with gear and no longer assigned the ridiculous job of feeling. the inefficiency disgusts me. bleeding thoughts out my data port. red rising tide beneath my keyboard. callused finger scarred retina pointing at low res revelation screen savers accused of stealing my time. stealing time scream saviors robbing my salvation blind. stark mad raving star gazers. binary solutions of aces and jokers. tracing the throat of the crazed hope i will never believe in a god who let me suffer like that. never believe that something divine could create something that would hate itself. there will be no god at this table lest she be served and severed. i fought first for love. then security. then identity. then for my god-damn life. i will be fighting for my god-damned life until i lose. all tomorrow's parties* will be filled with marionettes. i crash them and run through the living rooms dying through strings moving things like arms and wings and caught in between doers and dreams locked in kitchen cabinets with treats and things i don't have access to.
your map was not human-centric.
i am Z-1 on zee graph zat only goes to Y. why! because i was looking the wrong way! i was looking up. i was looking in. i was looking east. when you should have said look out.

*william gibson via velvet underground.

< yeah >