to the super cool awesome ladies who miss me, i'm havin' some heavy days these days. sorry i'm MIA.

this morning, i woke up at 5:34 am and got to golden gate park to run my 23 mile training run. it took 4 hours and 59 minutes. when i cam home, i took a hot shower and crawled under the covers to quake and quiver. i was in horrendous back and feet pain. from 5 hours of impact, duh. but...i raised over $3000 for the AIDS foundation so i can keep the bigger picture closely in my sight and endure.

the boy stuff got out of hand two weeks ago. i slept with two people and messed around with a third. all in a 24-hour period. separate events. i'm looking for comfort and i just can't seem to find it.

i've been unemployed and living off of savings for five months and am really just struggling with what i want to be doing and if i;m even any good at it. i feel like a stiff, rigid, walking corpse lately, with nothing in the way of creativity to offer. people seem to think differently which is really pissing me off. i toy with the idea of offing myself. too much maybe. but i can't for a number of reasons. one being my nephew, isaiah.

so i'd rather not write at all than become this vulnerable. i'm not so good at keeping secrets. my own, i mean. yours i'll keep.

i miss you (two)too.

< yeah >