|2003-08-16 - 8:57 a.m.
i walked in to the warehouse just to check the crowd. if it was too small, i would feel too close to him and have to leave. it's been 2 years since we've been in love and we haven't had one conversation about it that has been face to face. and there he was. i walked right over to him...beaming. and he looked so happy and immediately started apologizing for not calling me back...or...writing...or anything. but there is no past. there is only now. and the minute our eyes met, i knew there was only now. i said, "it doesn't matter. i know what's going on. it's ok. i'm just feeling so good, i want to share it with you. i know you. i'm right here. i hope i'm not harrassing you. i just know it's ok." and he smiled, "if she walked in here right now, she would die. she can't deal with you and me. and i said, "obviously. why do you think. i would die if i were her too. it's been 15 months and you can't even hear my name without flipping out. what is she supposed to think? we're frozen in time in the most intense way. separately, we're the happiest we've ever been. and together...the love is intact." he looked so sweet and sad in tender agreement. "but i fell in love, tron. for the first time in 2 years. and he's amazing. but it's been you for so long. i'm so confused." he asked me to come back after anon salon. i told him if i did, it would be only to see him. and that's not ok. i get you completely. and i finally get me. but i will never get us. me too, he said. and we hugged for a long time and fell together before coming apart. "i love you so." "i love you too."