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2002-11-23 - 12:24 a.m.

tonigh my low frequency output came into the oxygen bar. he was smiling and excited. love was bursting between us. seriously. it was thick and precious. i was smoking us deeper and flying above. i was screaming in tear ducts that waited for him to leave. when did i become this person. i know what is good for me. i am very healthy when it comes to relationships. i know i swoon like a teenager in score and verse. but in reality, i settle for nothing less than respect and openness, pleasure and radical honesty. being in a realtionship with me is like being in a movie in a way. you get to say everything you feel. in the moment. you get to learn who you are and why we respond the way we do. it is like an experiment in relationships and you get to explore freely. or you don't get it. or i have too many fears i can't let go of. or i have trust issues. or you abandon both of us. or you don't treat me like i am the prize. because i am. and so are you. or you shrink under the scrutiny of my hyperconsciousness. and you are unconscious. but besides all of that, i am a great partner. and seeing my boy, my true love creator of sound wave and heart beat, seeing my boy made my heart break into a million little pieces.

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