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2003-12-09 - 12:54 a.m.

list of things happening in my world. my business secret is underway. i went to a film festival and met great people. i got cast in a tv series about the foreign ping-pong champs who came to china in the sixties. i'm serious. i had a really sad meltdown with ted where we decided we should actually "break up" because the pattern was me feeling awful and him being responsible. he didn't like the pattern either. i broke my toe. i met a hot 22 yr old yale grad painter/photographer hong kong american girl. new friend. i built a great drum sequence. i modified some old songs. i said...i got cast in a tv series about the foreign ping-pong champs who came to china in the sixties. uh-huh. oh yeah.

boyspeak make me wikked sad. sat together in taxi after ted and i got the parts and told him- no mas, senor. no mas. and now we are in a tv series together. un poco mas, i guess. this has become a really sad part of my life. i'm doing the right thing but it doesn't make me feel any better. life is fucked up sometimes. all these relationship rhythms and moves, advances and retractions. all of the space between where i know myself and you. all of the varied spaces of you. all of the energy exchanges like fluctuating stocks. all of the crashes and crushes. all of the euphoria and darkness. now from the vantage point of LOW. what is buddhist about any of this?

< yeah >