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2003-05-26 - 12:49 p.m.

bunny bunns saves. she and theo and i went to a fantastic party in orinda where we were greeted by a wave of smiles and intelligent glances. theo asked me who at this party was for me. i believe he was trying to get into my psyche for a jaunt. and then i saw (new entry)moth. skulking around alone but not lonely. and theo and i were in some fabulous conversation where we engulfed moth in our wake. and he totally rose to the occasion. he was delightful. smart. sexy. silly. provocative. interesting. noble. calm. tall. and he liked being in the dialogue with us. he was present. the more we interacted, the more comforted i became. as he spoke i could picture him above me, kissing the top of my cheek. burying his body deeper into me. i could feel the electricity of bliss between us. and i went to my favorite store on the planet and bought a euro-ghetto mouse robot that i was minorly obsessed with. and he could not keep his hands off of it. and get this. he and i went to the same boarding school for one year. and later, when i was talking to him alone on the balcony, some guy ran out and said to him, "wow, i just heard you were also a pilot." so he's also a pilot. swoon. alpha. swoon. alpha. and bunny ran out and said, "let's split." and the four of us went back to oakland and sat in the kitchen and drank tea. and when he left, we did not kiss. in fact, we didn't even get close to it. and i couldn't tell if i was holding back or if it was mututal. but this is new for me.

syesterday, on the plane looking at a majestic display of cloud landscape, i pretended he and i were flying together with my iPod hooked into his tape deck.

i am in NY. it is raining and grey and i must have a talk with god. i am here for no reason except ritual. when 911 happened, i felt a sense of ownership. i became incredibly territorial of NY and felt hypocritical for not being here. so i've needed to reconnect. as a new yorker, it is my birthright. please NY d-landers, e-mail me your phone numbers. i am here for at least 10 days. i have no place to stay. and i am trying to sell my writing. TORUS, let's do this already.

i love you like a turbulent landing.

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