.sponsor me.

2003-03-11 - 12:09 p.m.

.all of your struggles beneath your disguise
drink from the reasons that hold you alive.
til we're safe from the wounds of desire and pain
we must rise from the mounds of desire, and change.

i left the library after three hours of job searching. if ANY of you have friends, contacts, or sugardaddies in beijing, SPEAK NOW. just think. you, yes you, will be writing this story. in REAL TIME. you will be credited and the gods will look up at you and smile. so...i left the library and it was freezing. literally. zero degrees celsius. so much for a tropical winter. that'll teach me to complain in SF. relativity is a bitch of a teacher. and this morning, the slush rain gradually turned to clumpy snow. did i mention that if my plane had missed it's target and overshot less than a hour, we would have landed in...SIBERIA?! ok. i get it. so i told winter to eat my dust. big deal. am i so ego-centric that i think the gods are getting me back for cursing winter?

i am.

and speaking of relativity...i began to pretend i am a prisoner of war. in extreme situations of oppression, we create alternate realities in order to deal with the oppressive one. i pretend i am a jewish prisoner in a russian camp. i have to. it makes the washroom lightbulb hanging by a wire that drips water over a multi-faucet basin with slime and last-night's-dinner rotting in front of cement holes(toilets, you say?) with piles of bloody tissue paper in the corner...it makes all this seem plush.

i love you like i am totally not even exaggerating even a tiny bit.

but the truth of the matter is, i fucking sold everything and moved to CHINA. without any friends or security. knowing nothing. so you need to understand how blessed i really am. i pay very little for this room. i have an amzing muslim roommate who brings me cookies and fruit. she is deep and beautiful. i have people i barely know ACTIVELY looking to improve my situation. every day. i am sending my messengers out to the heavens and they are weaving a blanket around me to protect me from the wind of struggle and isolation.

i can deal with the crapper.

< yeah >