let me remind you that ben and i work together. yeah, i know. no, i said i know. so of course yesterday was torture. it was just stupid really. that night, he had slept over. we woke up gripping but silent. we barely spoke on the way to work. we just held hands and walked. we were both so wounded. in the office, we said little aside from how much pain we felt. of course we were placed on the same project for the first time in weeks. we didn't know how to act so we took our lunch break together. and we just stared at each other. when i looked into his eyes. i genuinely loved him.

the rest of the day at work, i was freaking out. i mean on the verge of tears. and at the end of the day, i pulled him into a dark office and told him i didn't know what to do with myself. i've never been so caught in the middle of emotions before. i wanted him to tell me what to do. so he did. he told me we fell into this so quickly, we should chill the fuck out. react more gently. spend less time together. breathe in between. and when he came over a few hours later, we fucked for dear life. and although i'm afraid and unsure, i've got fantastic company in the meantime.

< yeah >