i am parked in an alley, alone in my car. i take three very significant hits off my glove compartment stash. check my status in the rear-view mirror, make some adjustments to the curls that have fallen near my diamond-studded lower lids, lock the door after exiting, and breathe. turning the corner, i begin floating into my steps, allowing the oncoming high to absorb me in its wake. i drift past a long line into the arms of the gate keeper. he was not a prince in a past life. he is one in this. he is a saint. a beauty. an anchor. he stamps my hand, christening the journey. i swim[iamdefinitelyswimmimgnow] in toward the back of the room, passing strange clusters of people gulping chimay and gazing through me. the beats have already begun. it is 6:00 pm. i am now on an island of bliss and buzz, warding off passing ships of [my own] insecurity as i begin to feel the sound. perfect. i step into an ocean of bass and pretend i am closing my eyes just to be awake. each part of my body finds a different sound as its trigger. i am carrying vibrations that determine my moves. as i remember where i am, i open my eyes to see the space filling in. each testing the water, one at a time, finding a groove. and now bird is here. we hug and kiss but we are not here to be together. we are here to be together separately. within the hour, we are surrounded by arms and hips, sweat and movement. it is my favorite language. somehow, in this place, at this time, the dj is fluent. i am conscious of everything and yet am still able to disconnect. i vascillate between flying and landing, trying to just be.

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