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2004-12-20 - 9:24 a.m.

the wedding.

on saturday night, my very close high school friend married someone we also went to high school with, even though they didn't get together until a few years ago. so both sides of the party were people i grew up with, people i hadn't seen in 16 years. half my life ago. so it was my high school reunion really. and i needed to feel good. and look amazing. i don't know why. i left these people because my world was so much bigger than the box they gave me. why should i care? but i cared. because as much as you want to forget the bad, you seem to always remember the good. and this was my history. this was a part of me i wanted to reclaim. i think that's it. and i was excited. and you know what? it was great. everyone was kind and silly. and just happy to be together. and that was enough. of course i hooked up with an old friend. there were bets on if we would sleep together. but he mattered so little to me, i just thought of ben and slept alone.

the ride

when i returned to the city, i was feeling toxic from the scotch and kisses. and i needed to be purified. i had been preparing my body with food and water for a two-hour cycling class. insane, but i made it. the first 45 minutes flew by. the rest was almost torturously slow yet i did not waiver, nor weaken. i burned, i spun, i sweat. and even though i am not a gym person, the room was pitch black, the music blasted, emotionally we rode in a pack, and we earned the reward of breakaway and adrenaline. it was a gym moment. the ride ended triumphantly. as i stepped off the bike to stretch, i felt weak and fragile and buzzing- an instant crash. i wrapped up my wet body for the winter walk home and passed drew barrymore in the entrance(really). the walk home was amazing. there was a frozen mist that fell like a pre-snow hush and even though my core was warm, my legs were wet and frozen so i flew, dodging gentle bullets of mist and soon, i was home. and soon, i was under hot pulsing water. and soon, i was wrapped in good-smelling blankets. and soon i was watching snow fall outside my fire-escape window. and soon, i was hard asleep.

< yeah >