july 1996. i had just moved to san francisco and met dionne. my superhero. she rescued me from a youth hostel and forced me to move in with her. and she also kidnapped me a month later in a green van headed for...burning man. god bless her. she lived in lower haight and we used to get stoned a lot and hang out at noc noc's. one night, as we were staring at people in using 17-yr-old strategy to make people stare back, i met the israeli pilot. i saw him during the game. so dionne decided she would shame me if i didn't do something about it. since i really came into my sexuality around 1995, i was up for it. upon leaving, i just casually asked him to come outside with me and as we turned the corner, we started kissing like mad. he was so mature in a way i hadn't experienced before. and so delighted with my aggressiveness. his maturity translated how clearly he wanted me. we talked on the street for a while. quite realistic. we were both in transition and lacked our own homes. our own beds. so dionne just cruised by and said, my living room is your home. so the israeli and i spent the next 3 days together. dining and fucking. talking and dining. it felt like how i wanted love to feel but knew he was only visiting. even 8 years later, he is by far, one of the most compatible sex partners i've had. and he was a sandy-haired, blue-eyed, israeli pilot. swoon-o-rama. we kept in touch on the phone here and there. and eventually phased each other out. about one month ago, i thought about him. hard. i wondered what that energy might be like now. being the person i am. wanting THE love. so i googled him and found what i thought to be his company. i contaced the company but no reply.

why did this story come up now? well. last month i met a very sweet, slightly sexy israeli. we didn't flirt but we made it clear we wanted to get to hang out next time he came to beijing. works in shanghai. not much email exchange but an understanding of some kind of spark. he came back on wednesday and we went out. too many people to feel our chemistry. but he called me that night and said, i want to know you. i want to see who you are. so we went out last night and he was stiff at first. neither of us were very flirty. and we bar-hopped and took in beijing as two sweet friends. i was feeling desrie but everything was so gentle. the breeze. the pace. the flow of the crowd. there was no need to push anything. at a weird place called bar blu, we just got to a point in the conversation where we started touching. at first subtle. then, like we had touched for years. and he invited me to his hotel room. i looked away and laughed. not meaning to be dramatic with gesture. i said, i know this sounds romantic but i want to be in love. i want to have sex because i'm in love. and even if the sex is amazing with you, i assure you, my heavy heart will drag upon the morning's heels. and he totally understood. he is ending a very long, very sad relationship. where the sex and love are gone. and he wants that too. so i took him home knowing we would end up in bed, but hoping we could spend most of the time in tenderness. and we did. all of it. and teasing about how small israel is, i mentioned both tron and the pilot. and of course, he grew up with the pilot.

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