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2004-05-06 - 11:15 p.m.

i don't know whether to be amazed or feel transparent and predictable. or the totally uninteresting product of my environment. several things about the book i'm reading are too similar to my recent life. the language i use. the eyes i've worn. not all things and the book isn't even that good. par example- a month ago, in japan, i had stashed a 5000 yen note in the book. which i forgot about. and as the character boards a plane to tokyo, i turn the page and the yen falls into my lap

there are things about her that i want to be things that describe me. significant things. but also things like having to remove any evidence that a label ever existed. my sister will attest to that. not just because i don't want to be anyone's billboard. but that it is unclean as far as design goes. i have de-embroidered and de-threaded since i was about 16. clothes. bags. dolls. anything. a small detail about me has been a great aspect of this character. i like symmetry and clean lines. as much as i can appreciate the visual celebration of the 80's throwback, it makes me unsettled. patterns and angles. excess. ack. i need monochrome. simplicity. i need colors to be accessories. brown shoes? never. i am an ecclectic minimalist. who occasionally wears costumes. my freak personna is not about fashion. it is about getting my freak on. but even then, i tend to return to detail. my wig, eyeshadow and panties? same color. at least the same color family. there is always a sense of simple composition. tonality. balance. mmm. minimalism.

and this book is now happening between london, NY, and tokyo. which many great adventures do. so another moment in the book, the character points out a coke advertisement saying NO REASON. sure. if you had been to tokyo and saw this ad, you might also be affected by it. it is a sucker punch. one that i used as a topic for discussion a month ago in a culture-jamming group.

not that any of these examples are heavy and cosmic. but they make me feel so...obvious. so common- as far as the genre goes. i won't mention what her job is, then i'll feel really stupid. and even what i'm talking about right here is, in essence, the meaning of the book. ack again. my mom didn't have a kid, she downloaded one.

< yeah >