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2004-01-11 - 2:11 p.m.

woke up to a white dusted earth. both the ground and the sky were opaque with winter. when under the umbrella of an overcast sunday, you are absolved twice for smoking hash and watching illegal dvd's all morning. had the sun been blasting thru my red curtains, guilt might have propelled me towards a winter stroll. but that will most definitely come today. i have found it impossible, unless i am ill, to not leave my home at least once a day. the earth and everything above is my source.

last night, introduced yet another male character into my story. we have been passively courting for weeks. he is the waiter at my tea house. he speaks little english. i speak little chinese. i have visions of us finding new language. he is taller than me. we look at each other a lot. i have imagined many a night with him. so silent. like braille bodies. he comes to stand at my table but says nothing. just being near me, he knows he is translating a message. i wrote him off a long time ago. too big a language barrier. too young. not wanting to sabotage the place at which i study. but last night. he just waited near me. he said nothing. i walked over to him and stood before him. just looking. and we said a few stupid exchanges about when we would next be free. we just kept looking straight into each other's eyes.

i put on my jacket to leave. the place has sliding doors and the staff always run to greet you hello, or wave you goodbye. so he followed me. and i held his elbow as i leaned in and lay my lips against his right cheek. and as my lips pressed against his left cheek, we both tightened our grip ever so slightly.

< yeah >