so i now live in the gay captiol of the gay capitol. as much as i'd like to say it is equal opportunity for women, i am referring to men. boys, really. ambitious, status-driven, hair-styled, latest-shoed, firmest-pecked, mini-driving boys. i would DIE if i were a gay male in this town. i thought women standards were tough? let's just say, it is the first time i've ever felt lucky to be a girl. well, not entirely true. and being a girl almost adjacent to the heart of the castro, is a strange phenomena. friday night, i was slightly dressed up. glowing tan from park runs and mane a-flowing gloriously. i walked through the busy buzz of a weekend send off. people everywhere. and i was...invisible. totally invisible. to the point of people almost knocking shoulders with me. i'm not saying i get stared at or swooned over in other neighborhoods, but i was invisible. which is mostly a good thing. but going to cafes specifically to scope for cute strays now takes a bit of a trek. and because i am not totally straight to begin with, any dykes who pass have an immediate sense of me. so i am invisible until ANY dyke passes. i guarantee i will have a girlfriend within a few months. maybe i could stand that. i've been needing a new way to understand myself. it's possible, since being in an intense relationship is almost the clearest way for me to see myself, being with a woman will reflect pieces of a puzzle i have yet to decode. or let go of.

and on the subject of women, audry fucking tatou is going to be the lead in the da vinci code. opposite tom hanks. yuck and yuck. not that i don't adore audry tatou. she is adoreable. it's just that she's nothing like the real character. a red-headed, curvy goddess. she is hollywood picture-perfect and she is the french flavor-of-the-month. it is infuriating and yet totally expected. but tom hanks? i mean, let this movie hold some of the mystery surrounding the history. i'll just have to get pretty stoned before i see it. i'm so much less disappointed that way.

holy italics, batman!

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