i'm such an asshole. that really is my only explanation for the feelings i have. remember amelie's boyfriend look-alike? the one where we clickety-clicked? well the amelie look-alike is jennifer's very close friend. boy left town for a while and we had no resolution. just a strange goodnight moment that caught us off guard. and then he came back into town. jennifer mentioned my name and he became nervous and strange. clearly something had stayed with him. so now amelie is moving back to paris and beaux stays behind. i just saw them tonight. i had to focus on her. plus, i really like her. so here's where i'm the asshole. she's gone as of monday. and they are separated. and what i really should do is be thankful for them both as friends. but i'm thinking other things. god give me the strength to NOT do what has just been defined as easy. i'm not an asshole. it's not what i want. it's what i think i need. and i seem to always be wrong in that field.

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